Faith…hmm

Faith…one word that has so much behind it.

When you get into your car, you have faith it will get you to where you need to go. When you go to work, you have faith all of your hard work will pay your bills. When you go to turn on your light switch, you have faith you will have electricity. This is faith without a doubt.

But when things get shaken, you don’t have that same faith to persevere through it. Why? We go to churches sitting in the pews like good little Christians. Giving our Amens when we hear something we like, something that touches a part of us. We believe, we have faith in what our pastor is preaching to us. But when we are alone and things are not the way we want, we are quick to chalk it as a loss. Oh well, it wouldn’t have happened anyway! Where is that faith?

We are brought out of storms each and everyday, even if we do not realize it. When you were sick and thought you wouldn’t make it, but you did. When you lost your job and didn’t know where your next meal was going to come from, but you had food, plenty of it. When you can’t pay your bills and don’t know what to do, but your landlord, those bill collectors show you favor. Look at your blessings! Look how you were brought out! Did you think you did this on your own? So how could you not have faith when you don’t feel that “spark, that strong jolt” like you used to? When your heart is there, but your mind is not?

Close to 5 years. That’s what I gave. Despite experiences in my past, I was open wholeheartedly. Despite you being a couple of years younger, I gave you a chance. My faith reserve went low, too. When you cheated, I was on empty. I was crushed because I trusted you with everything inside of me. I no longer wanted anything to do with you. But I knew that’s what the enemy wanted of me. Wanted me to give up so I couldn’t see my blessing after the storm. Wanted me not to have faith in my God for everything. Wanted me to believe that there could be no other way. But I wanted to love despite of because God loves me that way. I prayed and i was refueled in my heart, spirit and mind. I was confirmation that God can do all things. Whew, you’re good, I couldn’t have done it you say? I couldn’t either, a stronger power worked on me and restored my life. Woe is me no longer!

Now you have come to a point where you don’t feel it can ever happen again. You are that good little Christian going to Sunday services, sometimes bible study during the week, but you can’t see God’s hand working in this? Your friends are dropping like flies around you, but you are protected. You are not hurting for money, food, shelter, or clothing. You have lived past 25 years old, there’s a blessing in that! You still have breath in your body. Your mind you say? The enemy has power in our minds, but not our hearts. Our hearts are secret places for The Lord to live and work on. You say you have a strong mind, yet you are confused with what you want. What double-mindedness! “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:8)

Really?

Long day of work has ended!!! The frustration begins!!!

Forgot I have to be at work earlier than normal tomorrow. No babysitter! Had to call around all through the family. Yes!! Got someone. But now I have to drive 45 minutes each way. Didn’t I say I was already off work? At least the kid is already fed.

Called the SO (significant other). Had a pretty nice convo around lunch. Thought this one would be the same…

Me: “Hello?”
SO: “Yyyeeeppp?” (Dryly)
Me: “What are you doing, you at home?”
SO: “No, I’m not home.” (Dry again, can hear video games in the background)
Me: (irritated) “Ok, we’ll I was just trying to give you a call.”
SO: (laughing) Wassup…what you doing?”
Me: “I’m picking up (child’s name)…I was just trying to give you a call and see if you needed to go to Oakland since I’m going out there. But you act like you can’t talk when you’re over your friend’s house.
SO: “No, I don’t need to go.” (Silence)
Me: “Like I said, I was just trying to give you a call….alright.”
SO: “Talk to you later.” (Dryly)

I literally feel steam shooting from my ears like a Looney Tunes episode.

I mean, I know people get busy and guys like the whole “man time.” But the least you could do is sound pleasant and interested. Is it really necessary for guys to sound and act like their not interested in their girlfriend’s in front if their friends? We are both years over 21, be for real! I’m quite sure if that friend knew what type of woman that I am….smart, attractive, ambitious, working, faithful (4.5 years strong). Who wouldn’t want that? In the society we live in today, everyone is having hookups. One night of pleasure, one night of emotions where you think, think you like the person. You date for awhile and its over. I’m in this for the long run, always been.

I’m really lightweight embarrassed and ashamed for feeling the way I do. Am I wrong for really caring about someone? Is it time for to revert back to high school days where I just didn’t care about feelings? God gives us all a special gift, mine is to love.

He says he was in the middle of video games. Wow…(sarcastically)

What is wrong with people?

Start of my day: super tired. Couldn’t sleep last because I was upset. No, frustrated. It gets to me how you can love someone, want to share your world with them and they act like they don’t understand. That is what The world needs….Love! I guess I will just LOVE this pumpkin bread from Stabucks…